Should you be out and about today, minding your own business and see an unrecognizable orb in the sky, this is not a drill! You should run unless you’re in to being abducted by extraterrestrial beings and taken back to their lab for tests and special forget-about-it juice (no judgment). It’s Extraterrestrial Abductions Day and according to some of my sources, all of them aren’t fans of us. So, take precautions. This guy may not be your friend. Although it is rocking a fitted onsie flawlessly, its outfit change may be your beautiful Earth-proof skin.
On the other hand, if you know someone who has been abducted or have been abducted yourself, this is your holiday. You can celebrate by taking a second trip or sharing your story with the world. You may enter it in the comments section below. I’m anxious to get a first-hand account of your entire detailed experience with a true brother from another mother.
However, I would not recommend you take this opportunity to interrogate the angry orange guy at your job and demand to know what planet he is really from. The white circles around his eyes may turn into laser beams that shrink your head and he probably has enough pull to get you banned from intergalactic travel.
A more mellow approach to celebrating today could be you on the couch with a lime Slurpee and your favorite extraterrestrial being movie. I recommend The NeverEnding Story. That flying dog definitely wasn’t from here.
Have fun and holiday on my friends!