Nooooo!

No, a bunny did not just have a field day on your screen.  It’s National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day!  What a very specific holiday, I know. But, nevertheless, you are encouraged, today, to go out and eat chocolate and raisins.

Fun fact, raisins are fruit and chocolate is a vegetable so, today is rraisin cookieseally eat your fruit and veggies day.  I suggest you throw in a healthy grain and make a delicious batch of oatmeal chocolate covered raisin cookies.  Someone, maybe not your doctor, will thank you.

I thought it would be nice to post a bunch of recipes that call for chocolate covered raisins, but other than white chocolate covered raisin oatmeal cookies, trail mix, and reindeer poop, there weren’t many choices.   Celebrate today by making up a new dish involving chocolate covered raisins and posting your invention in the comments section below.  We may want to give it a whirl.

Eat well and holiday on my friends!

Awww, that dog!

I’m clearly saying this in the, “look at that cute little puppy” context, and in no way referring to my ex that lied, cheated, and stomped all over my heart! It’s National Puppy Day and we’re celebrating the cute little furry, fluffy, doe-eyed babies of the canine world. If you already own one of these beautiful, loyal, funny best friends, you know exactly why they deserve their own day of love and appreciation!

To celebrate indulge them with extra hugs, kissesfather-1411543_1280, and rubs.  Spend more time outside running around, throwing the ball or burying things in the grass.   Take them to Pet Smart, PetCo, Home Depot or any other puppy friendly place where they can pick out a new toy.  If your baby is a couch potato, turn on the dog station and watch something dog rated and approved.

If you don’t own one of the best pets in the world, today is a great day to adopt.  Visit your local ASPCA and make the best decision of your life.  Bring home a friend that will shit in the yard and not all over your feelings.

dog-1543301_640They will love you unconditionally for who you are and anxiously look forward to seeing you every day. They are good for your health, well-being, and safety.  I can’t think of one reason I’d trade in my cute little Yorkie.

If you’re just not the puppy type, besides seeking professional help for your evil ways, I don’t know what you can do to celebrate, but I will be praying for your soul.

Have fun and holiday on my friends!

Get Goofy!

It might be in your best interest not to celebrate today’s holiday at work unless your workplace is AMAZING!  In which case, I’m looking.

It’s International Goof Off Day and you’re expected to goof off!  Let your responsibilities fall by the wayside and entertain yourself by doing things you enjoy.  It’s basically a day of pleasure and fun.  And, if you haven’t already done your taxes you may need to relax before the deadline hits.

So, play with your yo-yo, hula hoop in the park, or finally, paint your masterpiece.   Responsibilities are a thing of the past and future because they return tomorrow, so don’t do anything you’ll regret come time to pay the mortgage.

Now, if your work place is amazing, I’ve got a few workplace friendly goof-off ideas for you to try.

  1. Send a group e-mail with pictures of balloons.
  2. Leave a note on your bosses car from the cat they ran over last week.  Remind them that you have 6 lives left and they will have to try harder to keep you down.
  3. Bring a dozen yellow foam balls to work and spread them out in random aisle throughout the office.  Then, walk around the office clapping your arms like Pac Man and pick up the balls.  If someone is in the aisle with you, they are ghosts and you must  run for your life.

These would definitely make my day entertaining.   However you choose to celebrate, remember there is more to it than just relaxing, goof off and let go of some anxious energy.

Holiday on my friends!

 

 

 

 

 

Get Your Smell On

Back in the day, people didn’t shower or bathe every day.  I don’t mean the other weekend when you expected Stella to keep you inside, so you went showerless and T.V. binged for three days.  No, in an ancient era, a long, long, time ago, it just wasn’t common for the average joe to bathe every day.  And, just like today, after a few days, those body odors start to become a little pungent. So, people reached for mother nature to solve the problem.  It’s Fragrance Day! 

Of course, you celebrate, by indulging in all things fragrant, perfume, cologne, candles, lotions, air freshener, oh, my!  The list is almost endless.  Warning!  This doesn’t mean you go buck wild spraying everything sitting on your dresser.  They are separate scents for a reason.  You also shouldn’t celebrate by walking around with a spray bottle spritzing random strangers.   It’s offensive, except for this one time, I was on the subway in New York and I just had to.  Anyhoo, you should smell your best today, actually smelling good is something you should strive for daily.  So, reach for the cream, spray, deodorant, spices, dried flowers, something olfactory friendly and holiday on my friends!

 

 

Run, unless you’re in to it…

Should you be out and about today, minding your own business and see an unrecognizable orb in the sky, this is not a drill!  You should run unless you’re in to being abducted by alien-1531067_1280extraterrestrial beings and taken back to their lab for tests and special forget-about-it juice (no judgment).  It’s Extraterrestrial Abductions Day and according to some of my sources, all of them aren’t fans of us.  So, take precautions.  This guy may not be your friend.  Although it is rocking a fitted onsie flawlessly, its outfit change may be your beautiful Earth-proof skin.

On the other hand, if you know someone who has been abducted or have been abducted yourself, this is your holiday.  You can celebrate by taking a second trip or sharing your story with the world.  You may enter it in the comments section below.  I’m anxious to get a first-hand account of your entire detailed experience with a true brother from another mother.

However, I would not recommend you take this opportunity to interrogate the angry orange guy at your job and detrump angrymand to know what planet he is really from.  The white circles around his eyes may turn into laser beams that shrink your head and he probably has enough pull to get you banned from intergalactic travel.

A more mellow approach to celebrating today could be you on the couch with a lime Slurpee and your favorite extraterrestrial being movie.  I recommend The NeverEnding Story.  That flying dog definitely wasn’t from here.

Have fun and holiday on my friends!

 

 

White Meat or Dark?

If you look at this picture and start reaching for your rotisserie spices and cornmeal batter, you’re ready to celebrate Poultry Day!  Today we are honoring poultry, all of it, chicken, turkey, duck, quail, and whatever else your cousin Bubba will shoot and pluck.

This isn’t just a chicken holiday, so dust off that book with all the recipes and get to know your poultry more intimately; grab a whole bird, reach up inside, pull out the innards and cook it like you mean it.

This is a perfect day for a Turdunken, so if you haven’t already, give it a go.  If you cook as well as you juggle jungle cats, there are entire restaurants and fast food chains specializing in poultry, so, you can celebrate without burning the house down.  Don’t be ashamed. Your taste buds, guests and neighbors will thank you.

Eat well, have fun, and holiday on my friends!

 

Hello, Mother. Hello, Father.

If you can’t keep a relationship, good credit, a place to stay and/or prevaricate compulsively, there is a good chance your parents screwed up somewhere along the way. Most people don’t become parents thinking, “I bet I’ll screw this kid up.”  Most think they will be, at the very least, a good parent who won’t make the same brilliantly stupid mistakes their parents made to screw them up.  However, after spending $25,000 in counseling costs, they realize, their parents weren’t perfect but did the best they could with what they had.  So, today in honor of the parents who screwed up their kid, it’s Forgive Mom and Dad Day!

Take today to call, text, or messenger your parents that you forgive them.  No matter how big or small their mistakes may have been, you’re an adult and it’s time to pick up your baggage and move on to the next phase of your life.

Now, if your parents monumentally screwed the pooch in a way that is either very close to or actually illegal, the $25,000 may be money well spent.  In which case, mortgage the house if you have to because you need HELP!  Get the help you need and in 365 days,  you’ll have another holiday to forgive them.  Til then, Vodka!?

Holiday on my friends!