Drive by or Bum rush, Surprise!

Families aren’t like pumpkins. You don’t get to shop around until you find the perfect one. You basically get who you get, with the exception of your spouse and their bunch. That’s your choice. As for the others, just thank God you have some and love them the best you can. It’s Visit Your Relatives Day!

I actually feel like I celebrate this holiday every day. My family is pretty close and I usually see at least two or three of them every week. My sisters and I speak daily, sometimes multiple times in one day, even if it’s just so we can grunt together while one is having a BM or so the other can tell me about the newest candy on the market. I also have a huge extended family and it’s always someone’s birthday, a holiday, game, ceremony, whatever, and we support our own, so Visit Your Relatives Day is my life! For example, this weekend, there are four birthday parties for five people and I’ll be at 2 of them. Last weekend, there was a graduation and a million mother’s to celebrate. I spent 15 hours in a car to attend a graduation and celebrated with two mothers (yes, one was mine). The weekend before that was a weekend birthday celebration, out of town, with six family members. You see, today really is my life. Not that I’m complaining. I love them all, even the stupid, annoying, high strung ones.

So, it’s obvious how you’re supposed to celebrate today. If you are hesitant because your family is crazy, a little dangerous, too far, too close, in jail, in an asylum, foaming at the mouth, having a personal summer, too nosey, may steal, owes you money, may move in, or kidnap you, just remember it could be worse. So, tighten your suspenders and take my advice, carry Vicodin, pepper spray, a map, set an alarm for a fake emergency phone call, take your ID, wear a bra without underwire, take baby wipes, a hand fan and an extra blanket, use your imagination, hide your jewelry, leave an invoice, turn off your water from the main line and tell them you don’t have indoor plumbing, or meet up in a public crowded place that closes. I’ve been through it all, have fun and….