Get Out

If you’re looking for a free pass or easy pass to forgiveness, today is your day.  It’s National Get Out of the Dog House Day!  If you are in the dog house with someone, you probably belong there and at the very least know why you’re there.  As the saying goes, every dog has his day and if you’re that dog, today’s your day.  I’m not advocating that those in the dog house are entitled to a guiltless, effortless free pass.  What I am advocating, in light of the holiday, is that with an apology and a sincere effort to reconcile, getting out of the dog house should be easier today than any regular day.  Of course, judgement is up for debate.    Let’s be clear, being in the dog house is a unisex occurrence, so men and women alike should have their groveling speeches and sincere hearts ready to go.  Take advantage of today.  Think about what landed you in the dog house and what you can do to rectify the situation.

Let’s be clear, being in the dog house is a unisex occurrence, so men and women alike should have their groveling speeches and sincere hearts ready to go.  Take advantage of today.  Think about what landed you in the dog house and what you can do to rectify the situation.

Forgiving requires a kind and gentle heart. Give it your best go today and offer acceptance.  Now, should the sunset without an apology or tomorrow breeds a second offense, I say use an electric collar going forward.  Fool me once….

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

Ring, Ring, Ring,…

Yes, I understand they can call at inopportune times to sell services you don’t need or don’t want.  But, it’s Talk to a Telemarketer Day, so should your phone ring from a blocked number around 7 pm this evening, please pick up.

I may have a wee bit of a biased opinion on this subject.  I admit I was a telemarketer, I mean don’t we all give it a try in college? I sold insurance (understandably annoying) and conducted surveys (harmless).   In my experience, it’s moderate pay for a very harsh job, depending on your disposition.  For me, it was nerve wrecking.  I hated the hangups, anxiety, and pressure to make a sale for something I wouldn’t buy myself.  I very much preferred the “no cold calling” game.  Others thrive in a telemarketers position. These reps view every call as a challenge to the death and keep track of how long they can keep a customer on the phone, how much they can tick you off, and how much they can get you to spend.

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You probably think you should celebrate today by harassing a poor telemarketer who is simply doing their job.  If you receive a call from a nice polite telemarketer, please listen politely and say, no, thank you” to the unwanted advice, warning, or sale.  Should you receive a call from an arrogant, short tempered, amazingly nasty person, rip them a new one and mess with them until they cry.  Below are a few ideas:

  1. Suddenly start speaking another language (even if you have to make one up).
  2. Start telling knock, knock jokes.
  3. Try to sell them your kidney.
  4. Begin discussing your childhood.  Start with your earliest memory.
  5. Sing limericks.
  6. Interrupt them with inappropriate compliments.
  7. Ask a million questions about one thing.

And in the future…

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

Get a Woodie

Blame it on the war because the conservation of steel partially led to this fashion forward multi-use wagon.  It’s National Woodie Wagon Day!  Back in the day, everything was made of wood and this short lived classic wagon was no exception.  The originals were hand-made and expensive to maintain.  Which explains their short lived manufacturing days.  Today a well-restored beauty will cost more than your house (depending on the house).  And, although manufacturing halted, the nostalgia lived on, and the actual wood was eventually replaced with look-a-like steel paneling.  Which brings me to the station wagon most of us can remember.

National Lampoon must have been art (if you can call it that) imitating life because millions have packed up and hit the highway to Grandma’s house in a wood paneled station wagon.   From trips to the Grand Canyon or the beach, a wood paneled station wagon was rarely an empty vehicle.   Large enough to hold an entire boat or a pair of surf boards.  You’ll be hard pressed to find a vehicle built of wood today, but wood grain interior is still considered a thing of luxury.

Celebrate today by putting together a model car of one of the more popular wood grain babies.  Have fun and…

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

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Today’s References: Thrillist, Wikipedia, Chicago Tribune, Classic Car History

Naked Friday

If you’re anything like me, the day of the week is irrelevant, but if you’re not like me, I implore you to explore celebrating National Nude Day!  Go Au natural. Celebrated internationally, today’s holiday originated fourteen years ago, in New Zealand, when a streaking dare went too far.   The official way to celebrate today is to go streaking, which means going naked in a public place where most others are dressed.  Since I don’t have bail money and have no plans to be your defense in court, I understand if you keep your celebration on the DL.

The official way to celebrate is to go streaking, which means going naked in a public place where most others are dressed.  Since I don’t have bail money and no plans to be your defense in court, I understand if you keep your celebration on the DL.  Before any die-riders go getting their butt hairs in a tizzy, I suggest spending the day at a nudist resort.  There are plenty to choose from and if you’re a first timer, the experience may be different than you expect, just remember proper nudist etiquette.  Strip, streak, and…

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

Today’s References: The HuffPost, American Association for Nude Recreation

Fried

Today is for those who can’t pass a potato without imagining it sliced and fried. It’s National French Fry Day!  Loaded with carbs and topped with everything from cheese to crabmeat, fries are a staple side on every restaurant menu.  If you’re the kind of person that gets heated over a simple discussion about where to get the best fries, I know you are going to celebrate, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.

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To all fry connoisseurs, I challenge you to a blindfolded fry contest. Can you pick your favorite fry with your eyes closed?  I personally think most fries taste the same, except for the variation of salt and toppings, to me, a fry is a fry is a fry.   But, before I’m burned at the stake and covered in ketchup, I’d like to say, “I’m french fry friendly.” Celebrate today with a french fry party.  Slice and fry until your heart is content.  Have guest bring a fry topping and y’all dig in.  I suggest walking to the party in case you get french fry drunk. Put some vinegar and Old Bay to the side for me and…

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

The Eyes Have It

Elizabeth-Berkley-Sectoral-HeterochromiaToday we celebrate the dogs, cats, horses, and people with a rare and somewhat exotic abnormality.  It’s Different Colored Eyes Day!  I think they dumbed down today’s title from Heterochromia Day.  Perhaps “they” think you’re an idiot who can’t say Heterochromia, but I digress.  Heterochromia is caused by an imbalance of melanin in the iris which can result in complete or partial heterochromia, which means different color eyes.  If you have complete heterochromia, you have two completely different eye colors.  If you have partialheterochromia, you probably have a variety of colors in one or both eyes.  In most cases, heterochromia is a benign medical condition. In other cases, something is wrong with you. For example, if you were not born with two different eye colors and one day you bump your head and now you have heterochromia, you’ve probably been tragically injured and should see a doctor instead of flaunting your new exotic look.

Celebrate today by embracing eyes of a different color.  If you have two eyes that are the same color, you can wear a patch with an eye of a different color pasted on top or, you can put a contact in one eye.  Most likely, I’ll celebrate by watching reruns of the classic Saturday morning show, Saved by the Bell.  Why you ask?  Because Elizabeth Berkley is on the list of celebrities with Heterochromia.  “I’m so excited!”

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

 

Today’s References: All About Vision, National Institute of Health

Billions

Making babies has certainly been on the rise and I’m not just talking about Bey and Jay’s recent “Natural Twins.”  We’ve been increasing our ranks, more than surpassing the former title of today’s holiday, 5 Billion Day.  It’s World Population Day!  World Population Day (WPD) was established by the Governing Council of the United Nations Development Programme in 1989 to bring attention to the needs of a growing world population. With China leading the charge and Holy See bringing in the rear, #People are definitely winning the species race.

Currently tipping the scales around 7 billion, we’re scheduled to reach 9 billion by 2050. Will we make the world great again? Finding places to stash extra humans is just part of the plan, but if we find a place to put all our trash and learn how to use natural resources more responsibly, we may be okay for 2050.  So, before you go packing your bags for Venus, celebrate today by getting involved in something productive.  Find a non-profit organization and get involved in art, culture, education, health, the environment or human services.  Afterall, if there are going to be 9 billion people in the world, you don’t want to share your space with a bunch of close-minded, uncultured, stupid, smelly, selfish people. So, volunteer to help others and…

HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!

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Today’s References: Worldmeters, WorldPopdata