Today we celebrate cooks who have the intentions of champions but lack the skills to match. It’s National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day and we salute the destroyers of all edible recipes.
If you love to cook, but friends always ask you to bring cups or ice to the party, today is your day. If you have watched so much Food Network and Chopped Challenges that you think to yourself, “I can do that,” but in reality, you can’t boil water without starting a grease fire, we are talking about you. If the best thing you can make is a sandwich, today you are granted permission to take 5 large paces away from the kitchen. Whether your issue is using too much salt, not enough salt, forgetting the butter, mismeasuring the oil, or forgetting you were cooking in the first place, the kitchen is not your best room. Everyone who has been a victim of your dinner table and potluck contributions applauds you and collectively requests you retire your apron. You get an E for effort and a rest.
I suggest you celebrate by going out to eat, organizing your take-out menus, or getting to better acquainted with another room in the house. The kitchen is not your area. You should never return unchaperoned and should you find yourself gazing longingly at a recipe, drop the magazine and phone a friend. We love you and we’re here to help. If you are the friend of a Kitchen Klutz, you have a responsibility not to spare their feelings by giving vague responses of encouragement like, “mmmm, that’s a different approach,” when they say, “Try this!” Today, you can gift them a Blue Apron box and accompany them step by step to their first delectable dish. Be patient, be strong, and…
HOLIDAY ON MY FRIENDS!!!